Perfect World
by Reenimon
Summary: ( Chapter One up as of March 20 ) -- Endless Rain: My mother kept true to her word. I had a month to say my goodbyes and make peace before I was shipped off to a new school. -- ( Enter: Tai. ) -- ( Strong AU. Shounen ai. Eventual TAITO. )
1. Disclaimers, Warnings, and Lonely Introd...

Disclaimers, Warnings and Lonely Introductions  
  
- introduction -  
+ optional +  
  
Hello, and welcome to my Hell. This fic will be long. It might be angsty. Watch out for romance.  
  
Quick background check. This is my story. Not in the sense that I wrote it, but in the sense that I half-lived it. Half-lived meaning it's not my side. It's what happened to my best friend of so many years. The first person I ever fell in love with. The first person I ever kissed.  
  
...who just happened to be another girl.  
  
But you see, I like happy endings, and if I took this fic seriously and told it exactly like my story, it wouldn't have a happy ending. So I changed it.  
  
If you don't like the fic, don't tell me, 'cause it hurts. Don't flame.  
  
If you do like the fic, please tell me, 'cause it makes me feel better. Comment. Criticize CONSTRUCTIVELY.  
  
I love emails and IMs.  
  
- disclaimer -  
+ mandatory +  
  
Digimon and its respective characters, situations and/or plot/story line are not my property and do not, in any way whatsoever, belong to me. This story was written for nonprofit reasons and should not be reproduced on any site without my expressly written permission.  
  
X Japan song titles and song lyrics are sadly not in my possession. I hold no promises of correct translations or lyrics or even titles. I just use them for chapter titles and opening quotes. Get over it.  
  
- warnings -  
+ mandatory +  
  
WARNING. This fic will contain: heterosexual relationships, homosexual relationships, language, angst, depression, possible suicide and possible sexual situations (depends if people want me to or not o.o). It will also be AU; so don't expect any friendships/situations from the show to appear in here. Personalities and ages are also subject to change o.x. DO NOT READ THIS FIC if ANY of the above bothers you in ANY way. This will contain the following pairings:  
  
Sorato -- briefly  
Yamachi/Taito  
Kensuke/Daiken  
  
You have been warned. My butt is covered.  
  
n.n Read and enjoy! R&R! o.o  
  
- Reenimon. Growr. 


	2. Love Replica

Perfect World  
Prologue: Love Replica  
"You know I love you...."  
(Optional)  
Chapter Rating: PG  
Chapter Notes: If you don't like Sorato or lengthy beginnings, skip it and wait for me to get out the next chapter. n.n  
  
  
(Matt POV)  
In a perfect world, my parents wouldn't fight, my brother would adore me as much as I adore him, and I could hang out with my band all day without lying to my parents when I come home. My girlfriend would be supportive and not vindictive. And it was actually like that for a while. Really. I was happy and I swore I was in love. My life consisted of two things, mainly: music and Sora. But I made the mistake of taking it too seriously. Silly me. I thought music would be my career. Sora thought music would be my ... hobby, I guess? Yeah. Hobby. I guess she considered HERSELF to be my career.  
  
But before I get too far, let me tell you something. I like Sora, but she's -- ehh, she's a jealous person. She's possessive. So I guess I can't really say I was surprised when she approached me one day, requesting we talk. I agreed. She pulled me away to the park -- OUR park; we always met there -- and sat me down on a bench. She held one of my hands between both of hers and looked into my eyes, and at first I thought she was making a desperate attempt at romance, but....  
  
"I want you to understand something, Matt."  
  
I tried to read her emotions in her eyes, but came up empty. "What is it?"  
  
She pursed her lips and squeezed my hand. "You know I love you, right? And you love me?" Two nods; the second one hesitant. I regretted it. She smiled. "Good. I'm yours, then. And you're mine, okay?"  
  
Simple. She said it easily, like it was the most basic thing ever. I was hers, I knew it, I didn't resist it, and the world kept turning. I blinked. Like I said, I was not surprised, but I DID wonder what had made her feel insecure enough to restate her claim on me.  
  
Sora continued, "You have to understand me, Matt. I want you to be ... just mine; not the band's, not music's, not anyone else's." She paused, waiting on my response.  
  
I was hurt.  
  
"Those things don't own me," I growled.  
  
"I know," she sighed. She gave me a smile that I did not return. "I just worry sometimes, that you get bored with me."  
  
"Don't misunderstand me," I warned, "you don't own me either." I winced, regretting the words as they left me. I knew she wouldn't understand that the way I wanted her to. It came out harsh. She opened her mouth for rebuttal, but I interrupted her. "No, I mean that... I..." I paused, searching for words, and squeezed her hand again. I found her eyes with mine. "Listen," I dropped my voice, "I care." I tried to smile. Why did it feel empty saying that? "My HEART is yours. So keep it." I paused. "But I love music too. It's important to me."  
  
She closed her eyes and slipped her hand from mine. "Matt," she mumbled, "I love you, but..." She stood. "If you spend more time with the band than me, how can I believe you when you say I'm more important?"  
  
"Trust me," I implored her. I watched the emotions struggling in her eyes.  
  
"I'm trying. But it's hard."  
  
I sighed, rising to my feet beside her. I put an awkward hand on her shoulder. I felt cold doing it. "Listen to me," I said, catching her other shoulder and swinging her to face me. I couldn't even find a smile to reassure her. "We both have to work at this. I'll try, too."  
  
She smiled. "Promise to spend more time with me?"  
  
I nodded. "Promise."  
  
It was all downhill from there.  
  
I took time away from music to spend time with her. We went out for ice cream and watched movies and other cute 'couple' things, but I felt sick every time I had to skip a band practice to take her shopping. The guys started getting pissed; I hardly ever saw them. I was scared to lose my band.  
  
I confronted Sora about it.  
  
She told me I was being silly. They were my friends. They'd accept me. But....  
  
I'll never forget the day when our drummer Kaito pulled me aside in the school hallway, looking miserable.  
  
"What's wrong, man?" I always picked up on their troubles. I swear I'm not as cold-hearted as I seem. There was tense silence while he stubbed at the grimy floor with the toe of his shoe.  
  
"I -- we all -- the guys and me just wanted to tell you," he mumbled, keeping his eyes evasive and downcast, "that we're gonna look for a replacement soon."  
  
My stomach hurt. I had guessed, but... "For what?"  
  
He winced. Swallowed. "Lead vocals and, um, bass." Then he turned and fled the hall. My heart shrunk into a lead ball and dropped into my shoes. It rattled around listlessly as I walked home. I did not return to class that day. I locked myself in my room, refusing entry to everyone -- even TK, who, unfortunately, shared the cramped living space with me. He slept on the couch that night, sulkily. My teachers called home, questioning. I don't remember whether they were concerned or angry or what my parents did about it. It doesn't matter anymore, anyway.  
  
Actually, I DO remember what my parents did about it. They started arguing a lot after that, debating how to deal with me. With my behavior, even. I was such a problem child after all. My father leaned towards discipline while my mother believed that if she could reach out and discover the root of my troubles she could make it all go away. In truth, I know that neither method would have worked, but I guess at least they tried.  
  
But I don't think my mother really cared that much. She always liked TK better. When he came home with scraped knees she blew on the wounds, washed them and lovingly bandaged them. And when TK requested a kiss to make it feel better, she complied with a smile on her face. But when I came home with a busted leg, she frowned and told me the bandages were in the kitchen cabinet.  
  
Thanks a lot, Mom.  
  
The fights got worse as time dragged on. They started disagreeing over everything. Where the TV remote was, what to have for dinner, how to water the plants. I mean, EVERYTHING.  
  
But ... especially over me.  
  
I started feeling responsible. I became guilty and depressed; I avoided everyone, even Sora and TK. My girlfriend was hurt and sometimes I'd catch her with tears in her eyes, but she always told me she was okay. She always chose the worst times to understand. TK didn't mind so much. He figured it was one of those 'teenager things,' and obligingly slept on the couch and played with his friends.  
  
I skipped classes a lot, hiding in the bathroom and trying to escape all the negative emotions. I found a lot of bad habits and did stuff I never would have given second thoughts before. I picked up smoking. The band found a replacement. I fell in deeper every day, and my parents would not stop fighting.  
  
Somewhere along the line, TK stopped looking up to me. He matured and became his own role model. He looked out for his friends and never stopped smiling.  
  
I was so jealous.  
  
I overheard my parents fighting at night sometimes. They had stopped respecting me, too, I guess.  
  
"There's something WRONG with him, Nancy! How can you let it slide like this? Giving him an extra piece of dessert at dinner won't fix anything. You need too--"  
  
"What? I need to WHAT? Discipline him? Oh, I'm sure THAT is going to make him better. Matt has feelings too, you can't just treat him like--"  
  
"Oh, MATT has feelings? What about me? Do you think this leaves me unaffected? No! I'm worried. I want to FIX him."  
  
"FIX him? Matt is NOT a water heater; don't talk about him like he is! You can't just hit him with a wrench and expect him to work!"  
  
"Would you shut up? I have problems too. I never see you giving ME sympathy when I need it."  
  
"You're a grown man. You can take care of yourself! Matt needs us."  
  
"Nancy, Matt is NOT a child. You can't always be there for him!"  
  
And things continued like that for a long, long time. I cried myself to sleep all those nights. Until, one time, I woke up and the front door slammed. I heard my father's voice.  
  
"You say to take care of my own problems? Well, fine."  
  
His steps echoed as he walked angrily to his car, started it, and flew from the driveway. I stayed awake listening to my mother cry for a long time. I did not sleep that night. For me, my father abandoning me was the breaking point. Ultimately.  
  
I claimed sickness and refused school. I holed up in my bathroom and smoked cigarettes until my taste buds burnt. Sometimes at night I'd sneak into the kitchen for food, but I always threw it up later. I started losing weight as the days dropped off the calendar. I was left depressed and lacking serious energy. I smoked and slept. Rarely, I ate. TK slept on the couch almost ever night, and my mother was too much of a mess to do much about it. I became amazingly unhealthy and my voice croaked in a most ugly manner when I spoke.  
  
Tch.  
  
So much for a career in singing.  
  
Sora only visited me once.  
  
I heard my Mom meet her at the front door. Sora asked to see me, but was politely refused.  
  
"He's very ill," mother had explained.  
  
Sora insisted.  
  
Mother gave in.  
  
I listened to Sora slide off her shoes and walk to my door. I heard her rattle my doorknob, but didn't respond.  
  
"Matt?" was the ventured question. She sounded concerned and the words caught on her throat. I knew she could smell the smoke.  
  
"Go away," I croaked.  
  
"I have to talk to you."  
  
"No."  
  
"...Fine."  
  
There was silence for a moment. I was beginning to think she'd left until I heard a *bang*, and the hinges on my door flexed under the pressure Sora applied to it. I heard my Mom fluttering to her side.  
  
"What are you doing?" she demanded.  
  
"I HAVE to talk to him," she mumbled.  
  
*Bang*.  
  
I stubbed out my cigarette in a sudden panic. I didn't want her to hurt herself. After all this, I still cared.  
  
"Stop it," I ordered. "You'll break the door."  
  
"No." *Bang*.  
  
Dammit, she always WAS stubborn. I stumbled to the door, but paused in front of it, considering.  
  
"Please leave, Sora."  
  
"No." *Bang*.  
  
"Fine," I sighed, unlocked the door and opened it. She came stumbling inside, and I quickly slammed the door behind her. Locked it. She looked at me with wide eyes, red, puffy, and I knew she'd been crying. My heart ached a little to see her, but didn't do much besides rattling down in my shoes where it had been for weeks.  
  
"Oh my God, Matt," she whispered, reaching out to stroke my face. Her hand shook when she murmured, "You need help."  
  
I stared at her, feeling the warmth of her hand against my cheek, and made the worst decision of my life.  
  
I pushed her away. She left and closed the door behind her. I didn't care.  
  
She told my Mom her concerns, and the next morning when I woke up, she was sitting in a chair at my bedside. I sat up, feeling groggy.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
She frowned at me, smoothing my hair down over my forehead. I inched away from the unexpected and unwanted affections.  
  
"Sora told me about you," she said. She held up a pack of cigarettes. "I don't know why I didn't notice sooner." Her eyes softened. "I've been selfish. I was so wrapped up in my troubles I didn't even notice yours."  
  
"I don't care," I muttered, reaching for the cigarettes. Mom pulled them away. I scowled. "Listen, you can't drop out of my life for a month and expect me to just let you back in!" I grabbed them from her, glaring. She just watched me, looking reflective.  
  
"I'm going to help you, Matt."  
  
I rolled my eyes, feeling around my bed covers for a lighter. "Yeah? How?"  
  
She found the lighter before me and held it in her hand, refusing it to be pried from her fingers. She made an attempt at a smile, smoothing over my hair again with her other hand.  
  
"I've decided to send you to a private school."  
  
My world ended.  
  
  
(Suggestions? Death threats? Praise? Wanna chat? IM me at Rosuto Ryouga, or email me at reenimon@hotmail.com! ^_^)  
  
- Reenimon. Growr. 


	3. Endless Rain

Perfect World  
Chapter 1: Endless Rain  
"Kill me as I continue to wander forever  
Until I can forget your love."  
Chapter Rating: PG  
Chapter Notes: And the real story FINALLY begins....  
  
  
(Matt POV)  
My mother kept true to her word. I had a month to say my goodbyes and make peace before I was shipped off to a new school. Sora held my hand and told me we'd always be together, she'd write and she'd phone, and she'd always love me. I didn't say anything. The band hung back a little, feeling guilty, and they didn't really say much to me. But I did get a call from Kaito one day.  
  
TK answered the phone and handed it to me. I mumbled into the receiver, "Hello?"  
  
"Matt?" I remember Kaito's voice. Anxious.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"...Bye, buddy." And he hung up.  
  
Well, thanks. I'll miss you, too. Bastard.  
  
It was almost a relief when I went to my new school a month later.  
  
Almost.  
  
Private school. All male. Boarding. Jackets and ties required at all times. Even meals.  
  
Belmont was my hell. Not my relief. I had been sadly, sadly mistaken. My first day consisted of getting settled...  
  
--  
  
"You'll be fine here, honey," my mother said, smiling at me. She and TK came to see me off. We stood at the front gates of the school, the dean standing beside me while I faced off with my family. TK looked bored. It hurt. I wanted a cigarette.  
  
"Whatever," I muttered. The dean clapped a strong hand on my shoulder and smiled. Friendly. My skin itched in irritation.  
  
"I can assure you he'll do fine."  
  
I shrugged his hand away. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get on with it." I turned away from them, feeling the breath hold still in my lungs as I walked through the gates. I did not look back at my family. I heard my heart rankling around in my shoes, but I ignored it. I didn't care.  
  
The dean swung the gate shut behind me. I lowered my eyes to the ground and kept walking, clutching my bag in a white-knuckled grip. I listened, waiting to hear the familiar sounds of TK's pittering footsteps, for him to follow me and tell me he'd miss me, but....  
  
"See ya."  
  
He turned. My mother hesitated.  
  
"Bye, sweetie. We'll be.. in touch, okay?" She smiled, tentatively, and left.  
  
I steeled my jaw. I did not care. I kept walking.  
  
No matter what, I told myself that I would always keep walking.  
  
The dean -- his name was Neil Finbloom -- lead me around campus, explaining what I already knew. Breakfast starts at this time, classes start at THIS time, first lunch is here, second lunch is THERE, don't miss dinner on Thursdays because it's chicken sandwich day, and watch out for this History teacher and this Math teacher because of this and that.  
  
I honestly couldn't have cared less.  
  
To my relief, he showed me the dormitories and gave me my room and a key. He smiled and waved, reminded me to be ready for dinner in a few hours hour and spend the rest of the day, since it was a Sunday and there were no classes, getting acquainted with the people here. I did not reply. He left. I stuck my key in the door, swung it open, and dropped my bag onto the floor with a thump.  
  
I noticed a bed and a desk.  
  
"Fancy living," I muttered, and quickly turned to close the door. It shut swiftly behind me. I locked it.  
  
I couldn't resist a sigh of relief.  
  
What had I gotten myself into now?  
  
"First things first," I decided, hoisting up my bag and setting it on the bed. I jerked open a side pocket and fished out a cigarette with quivering fingers. I retrieved my lighter from a separate pocket and clicked a light into existence. I held the cigarette against my lips and lit it.  
  
I took a drag.  
  
"Thank God."  
  
Feeling relieved, I sat on my bed and didn't move for a long, long time.  
  
--  
  
Since there's only so long a person can sit around smoking, I eventually moved on to prowl around the dormitories. I stuck to my section -- Juniors -- and avoided the lower classmen. It went down as far as seventh grade. Apparently, later in the year there was a Big Brother program, where the Juniors and Seniors were assigned to a seventh grader.  
  
Great. Can't wait; a little bother to follow me around.  
  
Whatever.  
  
I wasn't wearing a watch, so I had no way of telling when dinner was. I wasn't sure how much I felt like eating, anyway. I got the feeling that I was burning my taste buds away, smoking at the frenzied pace I was. Constantly. At least I could eat without throwing up, though. It was an improvement from before. Mom had worked on that, all during the month after she discovered my problems.  
  
Really.  
  
No longer did I throw up after meals and possess no appetite, and no longer did I lose weight anorexically. Instead, I could force myself to eat in small amounts, and only lost weight minimally.  
  
The wonders of improvement.  
  
I scratched the place where my watch should have been, feeling vulnerable without it. I even contemplated going back for it, but knew I'd be lured in by the appealing thought of another cigarette, and then maybe another, then another....  
  
I squashed the idea immediately. Rehabilitation, I reminded myself, was the whole reason for this hell trip. Discipline was key.  
  
Yeah, right.  
  
In most schools, I was rather used to a bell signaling mealtime -- primarily lunch, since that was the only meal we were allowed in school.  
  
Welcome to boarding school, I guess.  
  
There was no bell.  
  
There was no warning.  
  
There was not a single sign that dinner was served.  
  
And yet, somehow, they knew.  
  
I was vaguely aware that something was wrong when several doors I was walking by opened at once, almost in unison; eerily simultaneous. I have to admit, I was startled. I swerved away to the wall, hooking underneath the shadows and watching apprehensively.  
  
They swooped as one towards the cafeteria.  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Maybe I was just a LITTLE hungry....  
  
I waited nervously for the crowds of people to drive past me. They didn't seem to notice me. My hair and eyes blended and mixed with the dusty shadow colors, and I felt content to sit in my unhappiness, waiting for strangers to brush past me, unnoticing, so I could eat bad school food.  
  
What a life.  
  
When I felt all were gone, I slipped from the shadows and allowed myself to breathe. Safe. I could be safe without the dust and shadows and unhappiness. I turned and pulled a little at my shirt, praying I had walked off the heavy smell of smoke -- I would have to air out my room later -- and began towards the cafeteria building.  
  
I never saw him coming.  
  
I had only taken maybe three steps when a brown, bush-haired boy ran into me. We sprawled, he rose, dragged me with, and muttered something about being late for lunch before he took off again.  
  
I never saw him leaving.  
  
I brushed off the encounter and sauntered into the cafeteria.  
  
The noise was deafening, as I supposed most all school cafeterias typically were. I'd never really noticed it before. I'd always been a part of it. It was never noise until now. It was conversation. It was friends. It was fun. Now, though....  
  
There were three main line categories. Hamburger and fries, pizza, and the vending machines. I fingered some cold loose change in my pocket and settled on the vending machines; maybe I'd try a Sprite to settle my forever uneasy stomach.  
  
So I got in line.  
  
It was unbearably long, but I had nothing better to do and it moved a lot faster than I thought. It wasn't so bad, really. I sighed when I was next in line and began pulling quarters from my pocket.  
  
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here. Maybe....  
  
I dropped a quarter.  
  
"Well, shit."  
  
I reached to retrieve it, but a guy a couple of kids back beat me to it. He held it up to me in an open-faced palm, smiling at me from under a bush of brown hair.  
  
"Here," he said, and I took it.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
I put my money in the machine. He did not move away. I pushed the Sprite button on the machine and looked at him from the corner of my eye.  
  
"Need something?" A little snappish, maybe, but then again I'd always been moody. But lately, well... It was worse.  
  
For obvious reasons.  
  
"Er, nothing." He looked away, casting down chocolate eyes in such a way that struck me as a guilty puppy. "Sorry about earlier."  
  
I felt my eyes flash when I bent to pick up my soda from the machine. I straightened and fixed him with a glare of ice blue. "So that was you?"  
  
"Yeah," he mumbled, looking embarrassed. "I'm real sorry, but, ah..." He blushed and rubbed the back of his hair, sheepish. "I was hungry," he finished lamely.  
  
Here, I was torn between anger and amusement. Then I made maybe the best decision in my life.  
  
I laughed at him.  
  
He looked relieved and held out my friend. "I'm Tai Kamiya."  
  
I didn't take it. "Matt Ishida." Tai didn't seem to mind. He let his hand drop and made a sort of lopsided grin.  
  
"Hey, you're new? I'll show you around and introduce you to everybody! C'mon"  
  
I shook my head slowly. "No," I muttered, and pulled away for the exit. "I think I'd rather be alone."  
  
His eyes showed no offense. "Can I come with you?"  
  
I shrugged, walking away. "Whatever."  
  
I left him behind.  
  
I found a seat on a bench outside, a little metal trashcan nearby, and twisted the cap off my Sprite. I listened to it fizz, feeling empty for a while.  
  
I swear I felt like smiling for the first time in weeks when I felt Tai's weight drop down next to me, and we bumped knees. He tossed a fry at me in a generally friendly way.  
  
"Normally, you have to fight me for my food, but you're a special case."  
  
I didn't really want it, his fry OR the special attention, but I took the fry anyway. The attention was harder to accept. "Why's that?" I ate the fry and found myself raising my eyebrows. It was actually ... kinda good. Better than the greasy crap I'd been trying to eat for years. This school really might turn out okay. Without asking, I took another one from is plate and popped it into my mouth.  
  
Tai tried to mimic me by raising his eyebrows, too, but otherwise ignored my theft.  
  
" 'Cause you're new," he said, chewing on a handful of fries. He swallowed. "And you look like a cool guy, I guess." He waggled his eyebrows and smirked. "Or is it against the RULES for me to give you special benefits?"  
  
"No." I reached for another fry, but he smacked my hand away. I glared at him. "Listen, are you trying to make friends or what?"  
  
"Yes." Tai blinked chocolate eyes at me, looking confused. There was that puppy thing, again.  
  
"Then give me your fries already!"  
  
"No!" He pulled his plate away.  
  
"Yes!" And I reached for it.  
  
"Buy your own damn fries!" He leapt from the bench and tries to flee, but I caught him by the elbow. He screeched when a few fell to the cold ground of concrete.  
  
"Just one!"  
  
"Yeah, and I really believe that!" He pulled, and the fries spilled. He stared, looking forlorn.  
  
"...Nice one. You're a genius."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
He shoved a hand into his pocket, pulling out some coins. "Got any money?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah." I pulled out some change. "Why?"  
  
"Come on," he said, taking my elbow and directing me to the cafeteria. "We'll share."  
  
"The cost? Listen, man, just because YOU knocked it over doesn't mean you can blame me for it--"  
  
"No," he said, interrupting me, and smiled. I was knocked speechless just long enough for him to explain. "We'll share the fries."  
  
So we did, and I found my first friend. We sat outside and ate lunch together, and neither of us cared when it started to rain.  
  
  
(Suggestions? Death threats? Praise? Wanna chat? IM me at Rosuto Ryouga, or email me at reenimon@hotmail.com! ^_^  
  
On a more personal note -- I love ALL of you! Thank you SO much for the reviews; encouragement means a LOT to me. And I'm not depressed. Really. It's been years, now, and I'm..well, I'm not okay, but I'm alive. And it's enough for me.  
  
Keep the comments coming. Love you forever!)  
  
- Reenimon. Growr. 


End file.
